Okay, I realise it’s Monday and so my banter is officially late. I was actually taking part in a 24 hour gaming session with Robin to raise money for charity and I was too dead by the end of it to do anything but sleep. I also vowed never to pick up a videogame again, only to have to pick up this one for review purposes and so my spirits are lower than Sarah Palin’s IQ. However, they were quickly lifted when I realised that there’s only one more week to go of Crap Month! Yay, I can play games that don’t want me to curl up and cry again! Well two weeks ago, I was getting lucky with the women in Sprung before being extremely unlucky in football, so it’s only fitting that I get lucky this week in Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I’m not one for quiz games, or quizzes in general because I’m not exactly the cleverest banana in the split, so testing my general knowledge was a fairly new experience to me.
If you really need an explanation, I pity you. Or maybe I respect you for living in such an isolated place and still being able to access the internet. Anyway, because I’m not the judging type, I’m going to describe the game show for you. You’re asked 15 questions, each worth an increasing sum of money; from £100 up until £1 million (obviously the currency and monetary values differ for each country). There are two milestones at £1000 and £32,000, meaning that once you reach these, it’s impossible to walk home with nothing, hurrah! In case this is too daunting for you, you’re offered three lifelines to help you along. The first one is 50:50, where two of the four answers are removed, leaving you with one correct answer and one incorrect, though by that point, it’s still just a lucky guess. The second lifeline available is Ask the Audience, where they share their guess with you and you can either agree with them or go your own way. In real life, this is extremely helpful, however, the audience in game are all as stupid as you, so don’t trust the majority… believe me. The last and most interesting to keep in a PS1 game is Phone-A-Friend. This is where the question gets repeated to someone on the phone and they have a few seconds to answer it, again, you don’t have to agree with them. “Now how does this work on a console?” I hear you cry. From what I can gather, they collect a small group of people with the most annoying accents ever to give their answers to every question possible in the game. Whoa. You’ve got to like their effort to immerse you in the game here, even if it didn’t work as they planned.
There is no gameplay. You hover over your answer and press ‘X’ twice to choose it. Simple. If simple means boring as hell. I would literally have more fun cleaning out my nails, as would you imagining me doing that. Apart from that, there are a few elements in game that I feel I need to comment about, most of which hilariously bad. At the start, you have to input your name. Fair enough, right? But honestly, there’s no need to do so, you could put monkey-killer and no-one would know. You’d expect to see your name on the check right? How else are you going to cash it in at your virtual bank? Instead, the check is awarded to Player 1, you know, just in case your name isn’t original enough. Speaking of checks, Chris Tarrant decides that he has to show you every single check from £32,000 upwards, despite you being sat in front of the screen, clawing your
eyes out as he does. It’s completely pointless, I’m perfectly aware of how much I’ve not-really-won thank you. Good old Chris also gets super excited towards the end too, so much so that his voice squeaks, resulting in much hilarity.
The game recycles the music from the TV show and Chris Tarrant is still the host, rather than a random voice actor who sounds nothing like the real thing, which gives the game a nice, warm, friendly feeling of familiarity. Despite some glitches where Chris’ voice stops halfway through a sentence, I actually have nothing bad to say about it so I’m going to head straight on to the next piece of technology – the graphics. Now the graphics are actually quite nice considering the age of the game and the platform I was playing it on, surprising me with how sharp they were. However, that doesn’t make the game much better because it completely ignores the existence of people, including you and the host, so you’re staring at a large, empty room for parts of the game. The animators also wanted to show off how amazing they were for having full 3D graphics, meaning that after each question, you watch two full 360 degree turns. Grab your bucket because they’ll make you nauseous! Another disappointment was the confetti you see when you win the grand prize of £1 million. Why? Because there is none, it just starts snowing blurry blobs. Yay?
Now this game isn’t bad as such, because it’s not really a game. It’s a series of questions and can often be used to put insomniacs to sleep. As well as a medical invention, it can be used to reward your children for paying attention in school in ways you never could. For example, I won £250,000 for knowing the names of the planets, now if only that were real money. For those reasons, I award this game a pitiful 3/10. Sorry game, you are the weakest link… goodbye.
Wrong game? Whoops.